The (In)consistency of Time

I think everyone has had the experience of feeling like time is either moving so quickly or so slowly depending on what is going on. In a flash I watched my oldest go from birth to now 7 years old. But one single bedtime with a toddler can last a full eternity…. (he’s still awake, isn’t he?).

I’ve always felt the pull of time quite strongly… I used to wake up at 5 am to get a quiet cup of coffee and sometimes exercise before the rest of the world turned on. I loved that feeling of “extra time,” — time where there was no rush, and I could feel calm and slow before the orchestrated events of the day unrolled.

These last few weeks I’ve had lots more free time than normal– I’m off of work, waiting for surgery. I have time to wonder and just wait — time to try to prepare. (I have no idea how to do that, btw..) Time moves so slowly when I think about what is up ahead– like I’m trudging through mud that is chest deep. When I think about having brain cancer– it gets hard to breathe. So, instead, I’m trying not to think about it too deeply. Yeah, I have brain cancer, but I also have a whole lot more than that. I will fight as hard as I can to have the best life that I can for as long as I can– I’ll do everything my medical team tells me to do! I’ll eat only organic applesauce for the rest of my life if that will make a difference. But, I’m not going to dwell in what I cannot control. I trust that time will keep moving me in this forward trajectory — and while that is happening I will try to live fully. Watch my son draw, nap, watch my husband nap– savor the moments that really are wonderful.

One thought on “The (In)consistency of Time

  1. Pingback: How to be happy when you have cancer – between the busy

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